True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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