I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
