you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
