So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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