I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
