I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
