i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
