He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
