he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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