sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
