new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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