I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
