Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
