I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
