just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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