I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
we're so committed to being not committed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
