on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
