I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
