trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
