I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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