Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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