you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
3 2 1 whiskey
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
