So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
