Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
