i wish my penis had a tongue
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
