It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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