I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
