Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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