I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
