Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
