Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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