i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
