His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
