The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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