i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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