Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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