I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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