New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i think i just lost a toe
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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