Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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