Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
