It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
