i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
