In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She told me I should be a condom model.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
