you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
