so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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