the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
