In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
