4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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