I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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