You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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