we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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