it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
