I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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