A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
